I Don’t Get Fashion: A.P.C. Store’s Hip Hop T-Shirt

September 30, 2013, 1:47 pm

≫ Next: Halloween Countdown: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Shirt

Now, this had to have started as a joke; overinflated egos toying with masses for fun. I could launch into a massive sociological tirade, but lucky for the folks at A.P.C. and the rash of gullible humans who forked over $120 for this thing…my typing abilities are currently restricted.

I don’t know what’s more discouraging: the fact that this shirt took a COLLABORATION to design (as if it were groundbreaking and not the most common, standard piece of clothing ever sold on this planet, and for under 10 bucks)…or the fact that it actually sold out.

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, clothing, fashion, humor, soapbox Tagged: absurd, clothing, fashion, humor, soapbox

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Halloween Countdown: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Shirt

October 28, 2013, 10:32 am

≫ Next: Halloween Countdown: Desktop Goodies Treat Bag #3

≪ Previous: I Don’t Get Fashion: A.P.C. Store’s Hip Hop T-Shirt

Due to illness, it’s been well over a year since I’ve done any kind of crafty project. I miss crafting every single day! Although I’m not actually able to leave the house this Halloween, that’s no excuse not to try to make my own fun here!

My lovely cousin Alaine and I had a mini craft party so I could make an idea I had been pondering this past week: ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES SHIRT!

If you are not familiar with this fine film, it is a must-see for any B-movie fan.

So here’s my shirt. I could see people perusing the booths of horror conventions wearing a fine killer tomato face.

Here it is, stuffed with a pillow, looking all round and evil (I’m way too skinny to give it its rightful shape).

I found a random bottle of green hairspray in the house (jackpot, right?) so I thought I’d make my hair into tomato “vines.” This was a marvelous failure. I couldn’t get much color to actually come out of the bottle, so I ended up with splotchy green patches here and there, and a whole lot of compressed air shooting in my face.

Now look at the camera and say FAIL!

I also made a valiant, though completely unsuccessful, effort with the bathroom mirror to get a picture that showed me with the entire T-shirt. I couldn’t use flash due to the reflection, and without flash I couldn’t stay still enough to get a shot that wasn’t blurry enough to be considered bad conceptual art.

Oh well.

As you may remember from Rabid Mouse Attack, I really enjoy making cheap, cheesy horror costumes. Are you dressing up this year? Did you make a costume?

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, anthropomorphic, craft, film, halloween, humor, video Tagged: absurd, anthropomorphic, craft, Dana projects, film, halloween, humor, video

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Halloween Countdown: Desktop Goodies Treat Bag #3

October 31, 2013, 10:05 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 7: The Amazing Mail Surprise

≪ Previous: Halloween Countdown: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Shirt

Damn, right in the eye…

Sarcastic ghost is like “Boo…or whatever.”

Watched Poltergeist II the other day (great movie, but the first was awesome), and happened to pause for a break on this comical frame:

Oh, hell yes, haunted kitsch sweater!

Amazing pancakes (check out the one on the lower left…wow!):

The inclusion of something that has eyes does NOT an eyeball make:

Oh, you think your pumpkin is scary? THIS is how they did it in early 20th Century Ireland.

Ah, the 80′s…when movies had their own cheese-tastic rap theme songs. Take Monster Squad for example. What’s your favorite 80′s horror movie?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, art, craft, ephemera, film, food, halloween, horror, humor, illustration, kitsch, macabre, monsters, music, oddities, postcards, retro, undead, vintage Tagged: absurd, art, craft, ephemera, film, food, halloween, horror, humor, illustration, kitsch, macabre, monsters, music, oddities, postcards, retro, undead, vintage

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Creepmas Day 7: The Amazing Mail Surprise

December 7, 2013, 7:58 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 8: Salad Fingers 10th Birthday

≪ Previous: Halloween Countdown: Desktop Goodies Treat Bag #3

This is too incredible not to post. A recent ebay purchase arrived with this “free gift” in the box…which, due to its high AV (absurdity value), is greater than the purchase itself.

Here we have the bent, aging, awkward package of a thing you shove over your made-up face so your face doesn’t come off on your shirt.

It was the first thing I saw upon opening the package, and I thought “someone must have gotten this awesome find for me as a gift.”

Note the 1988 manufacturing date on the bottom left. I live for bizarre stuff like this.

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, christmas, humor, products Tagged: absurd, christmas, humor, products

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Creepmas Day 8: Salad Fingers 10th Birthday

December 8, 2013, 8:15 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 10: Collaborative Desktop Goodies!

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 7: The Amazing Mail Surprise

If you’re sick of sweet holiday cartoons (and heartwarming movies about Christmas dogs…what’s with all those?), check out the Salad Fingers 10th anniversary episode!

I even made a Hubert Cumberdale sock puppet a while back to commemorate a beloved character.

The end features the creepiest gift of all time.

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, animation, video Tagged: absurd, animation, video

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Creepmas Day 10: Collaborative Desktop Goodies!

December 10, 2013, 8:55 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 11: German Santa Breads

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 8: Salad Fingers 10th Birthday

(Thanks, Bill!)

(Thanks, Bettie!)

(Thanks, Colleen!)

(Thanks, Carrie!)

(Thanks, Lee!)

Filed under: absurd, christmas, craft, ephemera, humor, monsters, science, vintage Tagged: absurd, christmas, craft, ephemera, humor, monsters, science, vintage

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Creepmas Day 11: German Santa Breads

December 11, 2013, 9:13 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 12: Diamonds of the Sea

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 10: Collaborative Desktop Goodies!

These came up in an unrelated search…and I was intrigued. I could find very little info on them, save for the title of “Santa Breads.”

Does anyone know more about the origin of these glutinous little creepies?

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, christmas, food Tagged: absurd, christmas, food

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Creepmas Day 12: Diamonds of the Sea

December 12, 2013, 10:31 am

≫ Next: Creepmas Day 13: Desktop Goodies

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 11: German Santa Breads

Are you ready for some seriously absurd nouveau-kitsch? Check out the December Diamonds Collection of themed mermen.

Hmmm…light bondage merman?

Straight from the gym, all blinged out and ready for “da club.”

A lollipop? Doctors don’t do that. Trust me…I know.

You know you’re curious about the rest.

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, christmas, decoration, humor, kitsch Tagged: absurd, christmas, decoration, humor, kitsch

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Creepmas Day 13: Desktop Goodies

December 13, 2013, 3:10 pm

≫ Next: Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/21

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 12: Diamonds of the Sea

It’s the last day of Creepmas (though I’m sure I’ll be posting other creepy things this month).

The doll and penguin are sad to see Creepmas go.

And these are just…sad.

It lives!

I vote blazing death torch.

Peeeeeeeeek a boo! (Who thinks Santa is about to eat these children?)

I wish I owned this.

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd Tagged: absurd, christmas, food, humor, vintage

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Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/21

December 21, 2013, 12:05 pm

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies 12/23

≪ Previous: Creepmas Day 13: Desktop Goodies

Ready for some creeptastic Christmas treats?

Wait for it…

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, anthropomorphic, art, candy coated nightmares, christmas, decoration, food, macabre, photography, sea, vintage Tagged: absurd, anthropomorphic, art, candy coated nightmares, christmas, decoration, food, macabre, photography, sea, vintage

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Desktop Goodies 12/23

December 23, 2013, 8:37 am

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies: Food & Fashion

≪ Previous: Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/21

By my talented friend Andy:

Cannot type/talk due to severe illness (all words courtesy of voice software or kind typing helpers)…I read and appreciate all comments…Apologies for not being able to respond.

Filed under: absurd, advertising, art, christmas, comics, decoration, horror, photography, retrofuturism, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, art, christmas, comics, decoration, horror, photography, retrofuturism, sci-fi, vintage

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Desktop Goodies: Food & Fashion

February 23, 2014, 10:18 am

≫ Next: Swamp Pulp

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies 12/23

Look at these expressive faces!

The most perfectly melted cheese I’ve ever seen…in a necklace.

Um, just throw enough leftover crap excavated from couch cushions, past holiday waste and candy dishes on top. VIOLA…festive cake!

Until now, I’m sure you’ve underestimated the sensual qualities of lettuce.

Sweet, sweet style.

I’ll finish with this sexy vintage shark.

Filed under: absurd, fashion, food, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, fashion, food, vintage

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Swamp Pulp

March 7, 2014, 7:46 am

≫ Next: Psychoanalysis: The Comic

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies: Food & Fashion

Through dear old Pinterest, I discovered a most unexpected literary (and film!) subgenre: SWAMP PULP.

Swamps strike me as one of the LEAST sexy ecosystems to cozy up with someone…but what do I know? Swamps are clearly infested with rampant sexuality.

Apparently there was such a market for this that multiple authors and film makers chose the same swampy titles.

Oh, we’re still going…

Yes, there are more…

Why stop now?

Are you enjoying yourself? Are you thinking about swamps?

Not yet? Okay, have some more…

And this was just the small sample I found. I’m intrigued (not intrigued enough to read about swamp nymphs…but quite astounded that they have been such a prominent feature in dime store novels).

Filed under: absurd, Books, film, humor, retro, vintage Tagged: absurd, Books, film, humor, retro, vintage

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Psychoanalysis: The Comic

April 11, 2014, 7:46 am

≫ Next: The Dayalets

≪ Previous: Swamp Pulp

Put down your superhero comics, folks. It’s time for PSYCHOANALYSIS! Faster than free associations! Stronger than neuroses! Able to leap elongated sofas in a single bound!

From Wiki:

Psychoanalysis was a short-lived comic book published by EC Comics in 1955, the fifth title in its New Direction line. The bi-monthly comic was published by William Gaines and edited by Al Feldstein. Psychoanalysis was approved by the Comics Code Authority, but newsstands were reluctant to display it. It lasted a total of four issues before being canceled along with EC’s other New Direction comics.

The comic featured three patients, Freddy Carter, Ellen Lyman and Mark Stone, who were undergoing psychoanalysis. The analyst was the central character. He was never named, simply listed as The Psychiatrist. Ellen Lyman did not appear in the fourth and final issue, having been cured in the third issue.

Click to enlarge:

Later, all 4 issues were compiled in a book (and briefly re-issued individually in the 90′s).

Filed under: absurd, comics, vintage Tagged: absurd, comics, vintage

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The Dayalets

April 14, 2014, 7:42 am

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies 4/17

≪ Previous: Psychoanalysis: The Comic

Brace yourself for The Dayalets; an instructional (and I use that word loosely) “suiatable for framing” series of food beasts designed to hang in doctors’ offices.

The idea was the educate the masses about vitamin deficiencies and nutritional imbalances. Wasn’t there a pamphlet they could hand out?

While tempting to generate my own sarcastic commentary for each of these, I think it’s only fair to direct you to the source, where the curator has taken a good deal of time to display and write commentary for the entire series (featuring gems such gems as “This looks like some self-proclaimed sex expert circa 1951.”)

I actually went through the whole series and was repeatedly stunned by these creations. Who wants one on the food table at my next party?

I wasn’t joking when I said “suitable for framing.”

See the whole collection here.

Filed under: absurd, food, photography, thrift horror, vintage Tagged: absurd, food, photography, thrift horror, vintage

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Desktop Goodies 4/17

April 17, 2014, 8:02 am

≫ Next: Easter Cake Wrecks

≪ Previous: The Dayalets

Welcome to this edition of desktop goodies!

Would you buy Kellog’s corn flakes after seeing a child in the ad who looks like he’s be propped and posed postmortem?

Antique “eye massager,” for when your eyes need a little therapeutic squishin’!

AXOLOTL in a portrait! (See some axolotl info here, and an artistic interpretation here)

Don’t mind him…he’s really into that “sitting in a wall” thing.

The most complete system ever? Really?

I’m going to give you a great life tip here, folks. So listen up: be sure to set the iron to medium heat so as not to burn your crocodile.

The world’s most wistful butter substitute:

You can conveniently sell your sister by placing a check mark in the appropriate box.

Don’t say it, Dana…don’t say this piece of kitsch is…”corny.” D’OH!

Filed under: absurd, advertising, antiques, art, food, humor, kitsch, oddities, photography, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, antiques, art, food, humor, kitsch, oddities, photography, vintage

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Easter Cake Wrecks

April 20, 2014, 10:07 am

≫ Next: 1972 Mattel Saucy Doll

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies 4/17

This holiday, along with Christmas, lends itself to some spectacular cake disasters.

Speaking of…at first I thought this was a colorblind attempt at a Christmas tree. Nope. It’s an egg. “Oval” is such a hard shape to make though.

While as yet an uncommon treatment for psychiatric disturbances in domesticated fowl, here we see electroconvulsive therapy being administered to a newborn chick. This procedure requires extensive clinical supervision. Talk to your healthcare provider.

Hey now, this is a family blog, miss! Can I interest you in a t-shirt or modest shawl?

I thought this animal’s eyes were firmly implanted in the middle of its own ears, until I noticed the green arcs on the side which are…the actual ears?

This is a difficult cake to behold, existentially. The poor creature’s life is clearly flashing before its stunned eyes, a split second before an untimely demise.

If you’re going to get emotional on holidays, try waterproof eye makeup.

I got nothin’.

“Young lady, I TOLD you if you kept feeding glow sticks to the rabbit, something bad would happen!”

With the advent of modern meat production, some slight anatomical anomalies began to emerge.

And now my favorite: crucified carrots against a backdrop of a toddler’s finger painting. Now THAT, my friends…is how Easter is done.

Filed under: absurd, easter, food, humor Tagged: absurd, easter, food, humor

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1972 Mattel Saucy Doll

May 18, 2014, 7:43 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 1: SASSY AND FIERCE!

≪ Previous: Easter Cake Wrecks

In 1972, Matell release a the “Saucy Doll;” a little lady who makes strange faces when you lift her left arm (which, arguably, anyone would).

Judging from this video, it takes quite the effort to get these funny faces to happen (that’s a lot of arm lifting), and most faces can accurately be subsumed under the header of “drunk and disorderly.”

Source

Filed under: absurd, dolls, humor, vintage Tagged: absurd, dolls, humor, vintage

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Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 1: SASSY AND FIERCE!

June 2, 2014, 7:57 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 2: “Zoologically Improbable”

≪ Previous: 1972 Mattel Saucy Doll

Tacky Taxidermy won the theme week contest! So here we go!

Sometimes there is just a *little* something off about the taxidermy creatures we encounter…

But others are downright SASSY AND FIERCE!

I welcome captions for any of these!

SWS does NOT endorse the mistreatment/killing of animals for art! I make an effort to post only ethical taxidermy in which the animals were already deceased. If you somehow discover that one of these creations actively harmed the creature involved, please let me know so I can remove the image immediately.

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 2: “Zoologically Improbable”

June 3, 2014, 8:12 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 3: Smile!

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 1: SASSY AND FIERCE!

Now let’s have a look at some creatures who appear to be experiencing emotions or postures that do not, in reality, exist in the animal kingdom as we know it.