Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 3: Smile!

June 4, 2014, 8:22 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 4: Shock and Dread

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 2: “Zoologically Improbable”

You know how sometimes you’ll see an animal at a certain angle, at a certain moment, and it appears to be smiling? This is not that.

These are gruesome, gratuitous, godawful grins…facial contortions that do not exist in the actual animal kingdom.

Are you ready?

A couple of them are kinda sweet.

…or manic.

…or stoned.

…or the stuff nightmares are made of.

…or inquisitive.

…or surprised.

…or something dug out of an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus.

…or just happy to see ya.

…or…or…this.

…or have one more than the most fashionable number of mammalian eyes.

…or look like an ad for wolf dentures.

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 4: Shock and Dread

June 5, 2014, 12:53 pm

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 5: Miscellanious Mockeries

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 3: Smile!

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 5: Miscellanious Mockeries

June 6, 2014, 9:42 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 6: Reader Submissions

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 4: Shock and Dread

The pollen count must be high today, because those eyes are pretty irritated.

“You were soooooo wasted, bro!”

Is he leaning on the back of a chair? I don’t know what’s going on here.

Going batty…

Awww, these poor sad saps…maybe I’d be depressed too if I were awkwardly stuffed posthumously.

This is probably the only despondent pounce effort you’ll ever see. I bet even the prey would want to comfort him.

GOOGLY EYES? Really?

These two really deserve captions…ideas?

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 6: Reader Submissions

June 7, 2014, 7:38 am

≫ Next: Tacky Taxidermy, Day 7: Finale

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 5: Miscellanious Mockeries

Thanks, Bettie!

Okay, so it’s a hoax, especially with that URL, but if you’re looking for HUMAN taxidermy services…LOOK NO FURTHER!

And here we have Nina Saunders’s taxidermy furniture.

Thanks Eric!

Atlanta Home Turned Private Taxidermy Museum

Thanks Jim!

Did someone send me Sweaty Taxidermy? I’m not sure if this was a reader submission or my own bookmark!

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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Tacky Taxidermy, Day 7: Finale

June 8, 2014, 2:08 pm

≫ Next: I Don’t Get Fashion: Crazy Runway Looks

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy Week, Day 6: Reader Submissions

As it turns out, I’ve collected WAY more terrible taxidermy than I could feasibly post in a week. I also intentionally left out the new wave of artistic rogue taxidermists, to be visited at a later date, though this hobby is gaining ground and producing some entertaining results (this is one kind of craft I could never do; I’m too sensitive to work on…former creatures).

So here are some honest attempts at preserving and posing creatures that don’t quite…look…right.

Filed under: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy Tagged: absurd, creatures, humor, taxidermy

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I Don’t Get Fashion: Crazy Runway Looks

June 18, 2014, 10:32 am

≫ Next: One Got Fat: Bicyle Safety Video, 1963

≪ Previous: Tacky Taxidermy, Day 7: Finale

I do understand the impractical nature of runway creations, and can appreciate the artistry of the moving sculptures on the catwalk. But some designs are just ULTRA absurd. Here are a few:

I’m refraining from commenting on each one for fear the sarcastic overload would break the internet.

This next one is my favorite. It’s really…something…isn’t it?

Which one is your “favorite?”

See a few more here.
Thanks Eric!

Filed under: absurd, fashion, humor Tagged: absurd, fashion, humor

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One Got Fat: Bicyle Safety Video, 1963

June 20, 2014, 8:02 am

≫ Next: I Don’t Get Fashion: “ME!”

≪ Previous: I Don’t Get Fashion: Crazy Runway Looks

This is one of the most disturbingly surreal videos I’ve ever seen. Classic mid century “music of the future” plays while a group of kids (in monkey masks) ride their bikes until, one by one, each meets an untimely end. The narration…the visuals…it’s all SO good. This is a must-see for fans of all things strange and unusual.

The names of the characters alone make this worth watching.
Rooty Toot Jasperson
Tinkerbell McDillingfiddy
Stanislaw Higginbottom
Phil Floogyl
Mossby Pomegranate
Trigby Fipps
(and more…I won’t give them all away)

If you’re interested, it was featured in a Boards of Canada video as well:

(Thanks for reminding me this exists, Cat Daddy-O!)

Filed under: absurd, humor, macabre, music video, video Tagged: absurd, humor, macabre, music video, video

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I Don’t Get Fashion: “ME!”

July 8, 2014, 8:47 am

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies 7/25

≪ Previous: One Got Fat: Bicyle Safety Video, 1963

Okay, this shirt is patently absurd, but it’s so bad that it’s actually kind of intriguing and mesmerizing.

While I’d never personally wear it, I’m completely entertained by its existence. Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what the statement of this garment may be (aside from the obvious)?

All I could come up with is “Head of the Narcissist Convention.”

“ME”

Filed under: absurd, clothing, fashion, humor Tagged: absurd, clothing, fashion, humor

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Desktop Goodies 7/25

July 25, 2014, 8:07 am

≫ Next: Forbidden Transmission

≪ Previous: I Don’t Get Fashion: “ME!”

I apologize if I’ve posted some of these before. I forgot to clean out my “desktop goodies” folder and I may be repeating myself (though I don’t think so). Either way, these treasures are worth seeing.

This is real!

I’ve seen fortune teller automata before, but never Puss in Boots. He sees straight into your soul. It burns.

Take a moment to really absorb and digest this book. This may be one of the most horribly absurd things I’ve seen, and that’s saying something.

I love this headstone. If I am interred, I hope I get a lot of reading done down there.

Famous monster candle making? Sign me up!

Need I comment on this? I think not.

Where’s the bumper sticker that says MY OTHER CAR IS A FLOWER COVERED CARRIAGE STEERED BY A GIANT DEER HEAD?

Dr. Coffins wonders why his private practice attracts very few patients.

Talk about a niche market!

Best caption ever.

In closing, we must all ask ourselves…

Filed under: absurd, automata, Books, ephemera, humor, monsters, vintage Tagged: absurd, automata, Books, ephemera, humor, monsters, photography, vintage

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Forbidden Transmission

August 11, 2014, 1:05 pm

≫ Next: Floating in the Spam River…

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies 7/25

I try not to post long videos here. I understand that everyone is busy (and I personally rarely take the time to watch lengthy videos I come across while browsing online…even if they look interesting). BUT…children of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s…these are worth your time.

The creators have taken (often embarrassing, highly dated, yet in some cases enjoyably nostalgic) clips from bygone TV days and edited them together in themed compilations. I laughed out loud multiple times.

Do not miss the video that begins at 8:00 in Cultural Meltdown. I ferociously googled the lyrics to find out more about this song and nothing came up. But look and listen!

Yeah, that’s the nature of the beast
Keeper of the male persona
Yeah that’s the nature of the beast
Keeper of my status quota

“Status quota?” What does that even mean? Don’t you want to rush to the 8 minute mark now?

There are a bunch of others I intend to watch as well! Thank you, GD, for finding these!

Filed under: 80's, absurd, animation, humor, music video, retro Tagged: 80's, absurd, animation, humor, music video, retro, video

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Floating in the Spam River…

August 24, 2014, 1:33 pm

≫ Next: Absurd Books of the Week

≪ Previous: Forbidden Transmission

I had a problem with wordpress recently, and no comments or notifications for this blog were sent to me for months (sorry if you left a comment and didn’t get a response! It should be fixed now). I’m also drowning in massive piles of spam comments that are very tedious to weed through in order to get the real messages. But some of them are so nonsensical and entertaining that they actually work as material for the blog itself.

Observe:

Here’s a favorite:

For a while, I was getting random facebook comments people left for each other…as comments to my posts. I was smothered in things like “Hey Nicole! Great to see you at the gym the other day!” Not sure how or why that could even happen.

And the ever-popular topic of conversation (click to enlarge):

Filed under: absurd, humor, TV, video Tagged: absurd, humor, TV, video

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Absurd Books of the Week

August 26, 2014, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: Sue Teller

≪ Previous: Floating in the Spam River…

I was recently given links to two of the most absurd pieces of literature I’ve ever laid eyes on (avert your eyes, children).

As far as I can tell, this little morsel of biblio-beastiality was written unironically. Not only is it sold out on Amazon, but the reviews are strikingly positive.

And…brace yourselves…THIS is also real.

If you can’t read that clearly, it’s: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Here is the author synopsis.

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don’t know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.

If you see an unbelievable book (vintage or current), please share! I’ll do occasional roundups and credit all contributors.

(Thank you for these great links, Ryogue!)

Filed under: absurd, Books, humor Tagged: absurd, Books, humor

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Sue Teller

August 31, 2014, 9:02 am

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies: Crazy Book Edition

≪ Previous: Absurd Books of the Week

This woman is beyond awesome; a renegade in the stuffy old world of granny crafts, with more spunk and spirit than most people 1/4 her age. And it’s not just the fact that she seems perpetually hopped up on Mountain Dew. She’s a genuine badass.

I wish there were more videos, but alas, Mrs. Teller only came out with a couple of them.

(Thanks, Bettie!)

Filed under: absurd, craft, humor, video Tagged: absurd, craft, humor, video

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Desktop Goodies: Crazy Book Edition

September 26, 2014, 1:04 pm

≫ Next: I Don’t Get Fashion: 1970’s His N’ Hers

≪ Previous: Sue Teller

My apologies if any of these are repeats. I may have posted one or two of them and accidentally re-saved, but I’m pretty sure almost all of these are new to the blog.

Don’t get me wrong; the best things in life are truly free…but just in case, there’s a book for people who care enough to do the very least.

This poor man looks like he’s happy as he prepares his wife for the reaping of grim death.

I wonder how long this book is. How much can be written about this particular subject? Chapter one: turn on water. Chapter two: turn off water. Chapter three: sit in water. Chapter four: get out of water. Did I just write a book?

Suspend your disbelief…

It might be difficult for those without a corporeal form to get their hands on this book (literally, I guess). But it’s good to be prepared.

Best autobiography title I’ve ever seen:

We all do it:

I have the power to walk through my house in a sheer negligee with a bouquet of flowers…

“Erogetic” appears to be a word entirely made up for the sake of this book. But a picture is worth a thousand words.

Filed under: absurd, Books, humor, vintage Tagged: absurd, Books, humor, vintage

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I Don’t Get Fashion: 1970’s His N’ Hers

November 7, 2014, 12:33 pm

≫ Next: Crazy Vintage Diet Books

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies: Crazy Book Edition

I was only alive for mere months of the 70’s, so I did not have the benefit (detriment?) of seeing these fashions arise and fade organically with the changing times. It’s basically a given that anything worn in one time period will be reviled in another (then worn ironically by hipsters). But…was couples dressing really a thing?

This is, as far as I can tell, an actual catalog item, not a Roman Tarzan Baby Wrestling Champion costume.

I feel like the outfits on the left are what 70’s superheroes wore on their days off, if not too concerned with safeguarding a secret identity.

Did no one involved in this entire photoshoot notice that something is missing here? This is not how one leaves leaves the house for (presumably, by the background image) a boat ride.

“We’re soulmates. We finish each other’s sen…sible mint green mini dress sweaters.”

This is what happens when you overshoot the mark after practicing your Catalog Faces too hard.

See more here.

Filed under: absurd, advertising, clothing, fashion, humor, retro, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, clothing, fashion, humor, retro, vintage

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Crazy Vintage Diet Books

November 12, 2014, 12:59 pm

≫ Next: Desktop Goodies 11/15

≪ Previous: I Don’t Get Fashion: 1970’s His N’ Hers

The Sexy Pineapple Diet in Desktops Goodies: Crazy Book Edition inspired this spinoff post about some of the more absurd diet publications of years gone by (for the record, I’m sure many of today’s crazes will eventually be relegated to this category). I had to see what else was lurking in our culture’s weight conscious past. Caution: the final one is actually NSFW.

Oh, to blame every sorry sugar binge I’ve had on the Devil!

I LOVE the following two.

“Minimum of willpower!” Now that has an appeal!

THIS, on the other hand…

Ready to get ribald? No, you’re not ready for these. You’ve been warned.

Filed under: absurd, Books, food, humor, vintage Tagged: absurd, Books, food, humor, vintage

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Desktop Goodies 11/15

November 15, 2014, 9:09 am

≫ Next: The Day My Kid Went Punk

≪ Previous: Crazy Vintage Diet Books

I’ve always been fascinated by “visible” anatomy models. I finally have a kit, waiting to be built (it’s a real labor of love, as all the organs and parts are white and must be hand painted!). But I look forward to it. Here’s a classic:

Is he dead in the back of your van?

A lesser known medical condition…

Maybe it’s just me, but not once in my life have I thought I’d like to “relax” by having my breasts vibrate.

If you want to feel like a rainbow threw up on your bed, I’ve got the sheets for you! The lollipop (and satisfied smile) really makes this image.

Gorgeous pulp art illusion.

Octopus gargoyle! More buildings need these.

One of the most breathtaking sand sculptures I’ve ever seen.

This is a real book. Can you image, even in your wildest dreams, a more romantic title? Nevermind the fact that he appears to be strangling her.

Wow. Ads have come a long way. Now they only imply that people hate the sight of you.

Yes, please.

Most of us probably walk around having no idea how adorable baby llamas are. Now you know.

Caption contest: what is this bear telling her?

Filed under: absurd, advertising, anatomy, art, Books, candy coated nightmares, humor, sculpture, sea, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, anatomy, architecture, art, Books, candy coated nightmares, dolls, humor, sculpture, sea, vintage

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The Day My Kid Went Punk

November 23, 2014, 12:32 pm

≫ Next: Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/18

≪ Previous: Desktop Goodies 11/15

I missed this Afterschool Special growing up, but it’s truly a (temporary spray-on hair color covered) gem. I highly recommend it.

Terry, the leading man, transforms instantaneously in an airport bathroom from an awkward orchestra geek to the world’s most innocuous punk. Is the resulting appearance-based prejudice he encounters a warning for parents to keep their children from going down this “bad” path, or a commentary on a shallow, judgmental society*?

*They make a point of having Terry save the day for a sad little girl with leg braces…by somehow materializing a doll with identical leg braces…while at a horse stable, after her mother is denied permission to just “strap her to a horse.” I’m not kidding.

Only one thing is certain: the special is entirely ineffective, and quite marvelously fails, at any of its possible aims. In other words: watch this ASAP.

Filed under: 80's, absurd, humor, TV, video Tagged: 80's, absurd, humor, TV, video

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Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/18

December 18, 2014, 1:51 pm

≫ Next: It’s a Swing Wing!

≪ Previous: The Day My Kid Went Punk

I think a series of all of the Haunted Mansion Grim Grinning Ghosts would make an excellent ornament collection.

This image is just perfect: happy tan lady with happy man, angry pale lady, pale lady’s partner not-so-inconspicuously eying her sunkissed rival. Don’tyou want a sun lamp now?

Amazing relationship advice from the folks at Dormeyer: use tears to manipulate your husband into purchasing household items. Maybe if I fake a sense of victimhood I can score a toaster this Christmas.

A man who knows what he wants (even the big Kewpie is looking at him like “Seriously, dude?”):

Holy hell…

How to traumatize birds:

And by “Merry” I mean “there are bodies in the basement:”

This drenched, freezing Yeti standing in a flood may be the most depressing card ever.

The pudding has broken out in fluid filled pustules.

And now for the piece de resitance (don’t gloss over this one. Take in every detail):

Filed under: absurd, advertising, candy coated nightmares, christmas, dolls, ephemera, food, humor, kitsch, monsters, photography, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, candy coated nightmares, cats, christmas, dolls, ephemera, food, humor, kitsch, monsters, photography, vintage

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It’s a Swing Wing!

December 29, 2014, 11:28 am

≫ Next: Bizarre Vintage New Years Cards

≪ Previous: Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/18

“It’s a WHAT?”, the commercial inquires. An appropriate exclamation for the Swing Wing, as it almost touches effectively upon the sense of bafflement one experiences upon viewing it.

What I have to say about this item was neatly summarized in my response to the loved one who shared it:

D: So…enough people really thought this whiplash-inducing device was a good idea to get the thing patented?

“Mommy, I want to play.”

“Ok darling! Go thrash your head violently and whip your own eyeballs. Here’s a cat o’ nine tails on a hat.”

C: Evidently yes! In fact, cut & paste that hypothetical conversation alongside this video and you’ve got yourself a tidy little SWS post, eh?

Also from Transogram, their patent-pending Bouncy Running Scissors and Kooky Box O’ Glass Shards. Just kidding. Or maybe not…I don’t know what else they made.

Filed under: absurd, advertising, toys, vintage Tagged: absurd, advertising, toys, vintage

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